All The Crap I Packed for Vegas

Posted by icemonkey9 on Jul 4, 2009 in vegas | 7 comments

For those of you that haven't visited Tuccioholic.com before you'll want to visit the site and read through some of Ken's posts that humorously look at some of every day life's crap.  It's in the mold of his site that this post was formed.  I was out of some "essential" items for my trip and realized that I needed the "travel size" editions of these items in order to bring them aboard the airplane.  I have packed in a small sized suitcase that I won't have to check in, but all items have to be under 3 ounces in order to be allowed on.  Apparently the FAA and Homeland Security here in the United States is afraid that a 4 ounce bottle of Axe body lotion might be used to destroy something.  3 ounces?  No problem!

So let's take a look at the picture I took with my handy dandy iPhone:

Have you ever seen so much crap in your life?  I felt totally emasculated once I started packing.  I seriously thought that I might be packing more grooming products than my wife did on her trip to San Fransisco.  Curious to know what the hell I found so "vitally important" that I took a trip to Target and blew $25 on travel items!?  I am too! (from left to right)

Opti-Free Lens Solution

I have a slight vision problem as I am near-sighted and when it is nighttime have a real tough time reading anything about 15+ feet away.  I found that this is a skill that becomes very important when you want to keep your head on your shoulders when an 80 mile-per-hour fastball is heading for your face.  It also helps when you're at the far end of the poker table looking at how many chips the other guy might have. So I went to the eye doctor and got a prescription for contact lenses and have been wearing them while playing sports and going to the movies.  Although putting them in is a huge pain in the ass, the benefits have been fantastic.  So, I need this solution to keep them clean.

Anti-Biotic Ointment

Whenever traveling I tend to either have some random scrape or get bitten by some bug.  It hurts, I hate it, and itch it to death.  Instead of dealing with the pain, I bring along the ointment which cures the ill.  It also helps with when the toilet paper is rather sandpaper-like and the old bottom is burning. Gross right? But the last thing I want to do is sit at a poker table for 7 straight hours with my anus on fire.

Safeway Brand Rewetting Drops

Again, related to the contact lenses, rewetting drops allow you to moisten your eyes if they dry out - a common occurrence in a smokey casino or on 100+ degree temperatures outside in Las Vegas.  You can't use Visine, you have to use some special drops safe  for contact lenses.  So, here they are.

L.A. Looks Hair Gel

I have wirey thick hair by nature and hair gel keeps me from looking like I got electrocuted earlier in the day.  Although nobody in Los Angeles has the "LA Look" with this hair gel, it was the only one for purchase at Target.  It's not a good brand, but it's better than nothing.

Axe Dry Deodorant

Surprisingly (maybe not) there's a lot of poker players that forget to use the old deodorant every single day.  Not me!  I like smelling nice, or at least, not smelling like anything at all.  This seemed like the most important purchase of the day.  I'm not keen on the Axe brand itself which markets to urban youth looking to get laid.  I'm not urban, and I've been laid plenty already in life.

Barbarsol Shaving Cream

Since most of my "age" comes through when I don't shave in the form of gray hair in my beard, I'll need to shave to keep a young and dynamic look while in Sin City.  In order to shave, I need shaving cream.  That simple.

Tres Somme Hair Spray

This is where the lack of faith in the L.A. Looks brand played a part in the purchase of another product.  I knew that if I solely relied on the hair gel my hair would friz and spike within an hour or two. If combined with the hair spray, it'll stay in place all day.

Axe Shower Gel

I'm not a fan of the hotel "soap" they put in your room, and I've used this stuff before and liked it.  Again, not a huge fan of the brand but the products are pretty good. This was more of a luxury purchase, but I feel my skin is worth the extra $0.99.

Colgate "Cool Breath Strips" Toothpaste

Love those breath strips that make your mouth feel like a cool and refreshing day in the arctic winter?  Great!  Then you'll love the brand of toothpaste I brought along.  Sadly, brushing teeth is the second most ignored grooming activity among Las Vegas poker players but one I feel is mandatory about three times a day.

Afrin Nose Spray

I have sinus problems and if I travel on an airplane am subject to horrible migraines induced by pressure on my sinuses.  The doctor recommended this stuff to me, I got hooked on it once, then had to kick it ... now I only use it whenever it's the day I get on a plane - and have had fantastic results.

Visine

If things  get bad for my eyes, with or without the contact lenses, I'll definitely need some visine on hand. More of a precautionary purchase than anything.

Vaseline Total Moisture Facial Lotion

Here's where I really start to get girly.  Many people comment that I don't look 33, but more around 28 which isn't a huge difference but a nice complement.  I think the fact that I don't drink, don't smoke and try to take care of my face really helps.  In the hot and dry air of Nevada, staying moisturized is a must.  I gotta keep myself pretty ya know.

Banana 30 SPDF Sunscreen

Nobody wants to have a horrible burn while on vacation, and I am all for using sunscreen.  The irony here is that I don't plan to ever see the sun while in Vegas and will probably sleep through sunlight hours.  Not really necessary but again a precautionary purchase.

Gold Bond Powder

When you walk around in the heat (at night Las Vegas is in the low 80s!) nobody likes it when your thighs get all sweaty, along with all the other junk that's down there.  Some of this powder gives you a fresh step in the morning and keeps things nice and dry down there.  I learned the hard way once what not having this magic stuff will do to your body. Trust me, you don't want to know.

Cleanse & Clear Apricot Facial Scrub

I've totally gone off the reservation with this one.  I guess I plan to wash my face.  It's probably a good idea.

Gillette Mach3 Turbo Razor & 2 Cartridges

I needed a new razor to designate for travel purposes, that way I can keep one in my home shower and not worry about forgetting it while away.  This stupid thing was $9.99 which seems outrageous but this is one of the few razors that won't shave my whole face off when using it.

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So that's it ... all the crap I've packed.  A sad and disturbing look into my psyche and I hope you enjoyed it.