Tilt Juice (tastes gross!) & Hellmuth Responses [540 Hands]

Posted by icemonkey9 on Oct 24, 2008 in General | 0 comments

I thought about playing more but the idea of going through another rough session just turned me off to poker for the rest of the night. The hands that were being played are some of the stuff that usually get me to tilt, but I shrugged it off and am feeling fine. In part of my 'therapy' I thought it would be funny to think "Just how would Phil Hellmuth react to these hands" if it was on ESPN. It was one of those days highlighted by:

• Unavoidable Coolers
• Villains showing up with their absolute top end of their range
• 3bet / 4bet heaven whenever I got into the pot

Ever have one of those days? Yeah, I am sure you have. It definitely has me rethinking about publishing my last post, as most poker players (including myself) are irrationally superstitious. Posting "good news or good results" is a huge no-no in terms of poker-karma. I thought I might get off easy since I was so humble in my last post, but alas (sigh), I was not spared. I did tip over the 17k mark today for hands, and am only 250 vpps away from Gold status. I guess I was "lucky" though, I only dropped less than 2 buyins today.

So without further ado, let me introduce today's horror stories (just in time for Halloween)...

AA Cooler with a Hellmuth Rant

Inspired by the recent WSOP ME coverage, here's my Phil Hellmuth like rant:

"Are you kidding me? Do you know at this level of 50nl JOKE poker that when I stack off I've got the goods? I can't believe that even when I have the best hand, outplay my opponent, and make him look silly it's up to dumb stupid luck for this idiot to get lucky and take me down. It's so hard being the best player at the table sometimes because your mockery of poker makes me want to jump off a cliff. Enjoy my money for the next 10 minutes buddy, because after that you'll be broke."

Hand 2 - Screw You

Hellmuth: "You have got to be kidding me. Here you are sitting with $10 at the 50nl table as some stupid shortstacker and you don't even know how to properly play this type of situation. Yet here I am playing poker the expert way and you show up with the absolute best hand at the right time, and it holds up for you. Then you take off like some pervert watching a girl taking a shower and giggling all the way while you enjoy the scraps from my table."

Hand 3 - Why I hate Shortstackers

Another Hellmuth rant: "This is just crap. You frickin' call me with a pair of eights with a diamonds on that board figuring you're drawing and you hope to win. Well good read buddy but next time I'm taking home your money, car, watch, and probably your wife too."

Hand 4 - WTF Was This Guy Doing?

The Hellmuth response: "Okay bud you are so bad at poker you should just cash out now and never play the game. I'm dead serious, you're not just an idiot, you should check yourself back into kindergarden. You limp call with KK and then bet into me and flat my raise. You must be the worst poker player so far, even after I've said all these compliments towards the rest of this motley crew. You not only can't spell poker, you can't even spell ESPN."