PokerStars = SkyNet ?
The following is an email I sent to PokerStars customer support who are renown for their good humored nature. Have fun reading my email to them and the subsequent reply.... basically I show I lost with a Royal Flush (I was kiddin around) and try to make amends with SkyNet (aka PokerStars).
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TITLE: I Love You PokerStars, But...
Dear PokerStars ...
For almost a year your site has been a tremendous place to play poker. Whether I wanted to play cash game no limit holdem or pot limit omaha, or engage in a multi-table tournament, your site has had its doors open for me and allowed me to play against some of the best and most of the worst players in the world. I've made a decent amount of coin doing so too playing the micro-stakes games and consistently showed a profit every month for 11 straight months. Sadly, I attributed some of the very difficult beats and coolers to something I might have said or did towards your site. It's the only explanation I had for what someone on a message board website said that "you got doomswitched" which apparently means I have been flagged to lose no matter how good (or bad) I play. The results in March definitely have me raising an eyebrow ... however, I wrote the following response to that message about this doomswitch:
"It's impossible that PokerStars has this 'doomswitch' that you speak of. I can't imagine such a big company risking so much for its customers. There is no way that can possible exist, and I will stay loyal to the site. I can't imagine this being true, there's a better explination."
Many people applauded my response and said that I was simply going through a "downswing" where the statistically anomalies of constantly running into AA with KK preflop in a NLHE game happen, or seeing villains hit runner runners on consecutive hands simply happens. It's rare but "does happen" according to raw statistics I've been told by some of my more math inclined friends.
After a while though, when the beats kept happening, I realized that if there was no such thing as a doomswitch, then there must be one final alternative explanation. Get ready, I hope you are sitting down. This is a biggie.
Your software has gained self intelligence and sentient awareness. It has run so many algorithms and interacted with so many humans, that just like SkyNet from the Terminator movies, it has gained self awareness and is "alive" much like we've seen in the movies. But I am not here to warn you against it, but rather to ask you to embrace peace with your new found artificial being. We have seen what war would lead to with machines - global destruction/human genocide (Terminator movies), killing innocent scientists and astronauts (2001: A Space Oddessy), and apparently widespread doomswitching (current).
The olive branch of peace has been extended from me to this new beautiful and intelligent being (I imagine he/she/it can read this so I imagine a little e-butt kissing should help!). I know it's impossible to lose at showdown with a Royal Flush, yet that even happened to me today as well ... which boggles my mind and shows how dire my circumstances really are (I attached a screen!). I hope my theory isn't met with skepticism but with the tender belief that humans and super-cyborg-intelligent-poker-servers can someday live together in peace and harmony.
Lost with a Royal Flush
Love,
It's an interesting theory, but our programmers are pretty strict, so I'm pretty sure they'll keep the dealer program from getting out of line.
And I guess I can appreciate that you're feeling some frustration this month, however I should point out that your losses total $26.18. So it hasn't been *that* bad. (ICEMONKEY9 NOTE: He didn't mention my -$1300 slide though!) I'm sure the dealer program loves you too, but it can only just deal the cards...
Regarding your "Royal Flush" hand, I suspect you know this, but in Omaha, the rules are slightly different than in Hold'em. In Hold'em, you may play 0, 1 or 2 of your hole cards to manufacture your best five card hand. In Omaha, you are somewhat more restricted. You must use exactly two hole cards and exactly three board cards to create the best five card hand you can.
Therefore, in the hand you've cited, you did not have a Royal Flush.
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icemonkey9 [Kh Qh Jh 5h]
Board [Th Jd 7h Ah 7c]
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You're reading a Royal Flush by using three hole cards and two board cards, which is not allowed in Omaha.
The best hand you can create using the rules of Omaha is:
Hole: [Kh Qh] (exactly two cards)
Board: [Th 7h Ah] {exactly three cards}
Hand: [Ah Kh Qh Th 7h]
That's just how the dealer announced your hand in the hand history below. We promise to keep an eye on the dealer program. If you're interested in the "sentient computer" genre, I strongly recommend "Colossus: The Forbin Project" from about 1970. Really good film.
Regards,
Scott
PokerStars Poker Room Management Team
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About Me
My name is Sean Gibson and I am a poker journalist and part time poker player. I work full time at PokerNewsDaily.com where I host a daily news show called "The Daily Deal" and also handle the bulk of the live player interviews. In terms of poker you will find me playing $1/$3 No Limit Hold'em in Vegas or in Los Angeles (or San Diego) and online playing small stakes games.
Pokerstars staff is a joke. They are condescending and trained to defer/deflect/deny. Play elsewhere if you want to get paid on time or have a phone number to call for support. Pokerstars is just organized thievery.
I respect your opinion but I really have to disagree. They’ve always handled my requests quickly and fairly, and my cashouts have been received within 2 weeks as they always promise. Ya, there’s no phone number but when support emails you back in 2 hours or less, it is just as good for me. Yay for pokerstars.
Hilarious Ice. Always enjoy reading the awesome responses from Stars support.
On another note I’m no longer getting your updates in my Google reader since you moved to WordPress. Any ideas???
I realy enjoy this post and the respons of the support at PokerStars. This is how the support should be done.
As about the update at wordpress blogs in Google reader a sugest you to add this link: http://icemonkey9.com/feed/ in your Google reader.
Thank you for the nice post.