What Do I Want from Poker?

Posted by icemonkey9 on Sep 17, 2009 in beats | 2 comments

Well, here it is people ... this is going to rank right up there with "gee he's probably tilted when he wrote this" posts for the blog.  It's been a freefall September special for the old icemonkey.  Let's do a quick recap of recent hands so you understand that I don't spontaneously combust but actually tilt because it all sucks a big one.

Last 1,500 Hand Sample:

• AK<AA AIPF at 6max
• QQ<AJ AIPF at 6max
• 44 flops set, loses to a flush (played poorly on river, tilts me more)
• AA<TJs in a big 3bet pot when we get it in on flop
• KK<AQ AIPF
• AA<67s when he calls down with 3rd pair and spiked 2 pair river
• QQ<AA at 6max
• AA<Q9 on a K56 flop and we got in all our money there
• AK<KK AIPF
• KK<AK AIPF

So now I'm stuck for the month.  Yippie.  I took a peek at the EV graph and yes, it's not pretty.  I am definitely not playing great poker which is all the more frustrating.  Big downswings happen when you run bad and you play bad.  That's happening for me.

BTW if someone comments "take a break" I might just hunt you down, burn your house down and then throw you into the ocean. No shit I should take a break.

Anyways before my latest tiltfest (fortunately at 50nl) I wrote several good friends about my thoughts about "hanging it up" with playing poker in any sort of official capacity.  I guess right now I almost consider it a part time job where I spend time learning the craft and trying to earn money.  But for the most part, the question of "What Do I Want From Poker?" has gone unanswered for the better part of two years.

Did I want to see if I could learn, climb the ladder and go pro?  Well I have to admit that might have been in the back of my mind at the beginning but I quickly learned that lifestyle is impossible for me and abandoned that idea. I suppose I've been marching towards climbing up to 200nl, get solidified in my game and then make some really good side money playing there.  The 200nl shot fell flat on its face, and it's been downhill pretty much since then.

So what do I want? Do I want to grind it until I get to 200nl and take a shot, play there and make some extra bank?  The problem is that winning at 200nl is hard, especially when you only play part-time for 20k hands a month like I do.  In fact, it just might be really impossible to do. I tried to think of all the poker guys out there I know that picked up poker while married and grinded it up to medium stakes to win extra money if not full time level money. Out of the literal hundreds of poker players I've met, there was only 1 singular guy I know of that can tell that story.  So ... clearly the odds say it's very difficult to be done.

That leaves me thinking that the best thing to do would be to grind out 100nl and just play there, where I've proved I can win. Clearly, I am going through a Roseann-Barr's-Ass-Hole of a stinky downswing right now, but the 50k hands before the recent 10k show that I know WTF I am doing.  The prospect of playing in my spare time and being able to cash out a few hundred bucks if not more a month is pretty appealing. Low stress, low expectations and something highly achievable every single month no matter how bad I run.  I guess for now, that's all I want from poker - being able to play the game and have fun, and count on a few hundred bucks a month to do whatever I feel like, whether that is save it for a trip or buying something like tires for the car.

So what now brown cows?

Ya you brain surgeons that want to write "hey take a break you are tilted we are going though it too calm down you'll get through it no problems its just variance" and other trite trivialities will be happy to know that I am indeed saying fuck it all and not playing for 4 days minimum and probably more.  After the dust settles and the clouds go away, and according to my mom's friend the alignment of the planets readjust with our moon (this is causing our bad run for those of you running like I am) on the 23rd of this month should make things a lot better for us all.

I'll see you when the planets realign.  Until then I'm going to have FUN.

The Worst Day I’ve Ever Had at Poker and I feel HORRIBLE.

Posted by icemonkey9 on Jan 26, 2009 in beats | 5 comments

I just had the worst day I've ever had in over a year of playing poker. In fact I've lost more money today than I ever have. It's "only 4.5 buys" or actually in "money" terms -$450. I kinda feel like I am sick to my stomach and it feels like my heart got crushed and I can barely lift my arms. Just bleh. This is the first real "HORRIBLE!" day I've had at 100nl. I've had the bullshit hands happen it seems but this is the first time where absolutely nothing went my way and cards hit my opponents and every draw for them hit. I think I was something like $275 below EV ... but for the basic end-of-the-day shit I just ran right into a brick wall at 80 mph.

Now I feel like a total idiot "for the talk with the wife" since I just blew my buffer zone and am now well under my $5k line where I withdraw 50-50 profits. I also am deflated since it means that I will most likely have to wait longer to see my first poker paycheck.

Anyways I am not sure how to recover because I just finished the last of the 4 sessions and I am still in shell-shock. I probably shouldn't be posting right now ... who knows, who cares right? So anyways that's today. I kinda feel like someone hit me in the head now too. This feels terrible. How about I share some hands.

I Run Horrible.

No Really, I run HORRIBLE.

Cooler ... just ugh.

Why oh why?

Those are 4 hands I have a few more I can share but at this point I doubt anyone wants to see anymore if they even make it this far. Sorry for the rant post and yeah I know "it's only 4.5 buyins" but fuckall I mean that's a shit load of money to a guy like me.

I had planned to play until 11pm tonight but I am witting 2 hours early for obvious reasons. After I get work done tomorrow around 4pm I was planning on basically playing straight through until 8:30 but now I have no clue what i will do with myself. Talk about blowing my plans to holy heck!